It is quite amusing how we have a picture about a New Year resolution, wanting it to change something in ourselves. Since, I’m never a guy to plan and act accordingly I ended up with a healthy disregard for resolutions of any kind and used to laugh at the phrase New Year Resolution. I looked down at any of my attempts to make me change overnight but this year was something entirely different. I was actually looking forward to the 31st of December so that I can start working on my resolutions. Now it is quite fastidious to wait for a particular day to live our life accordingly but I attributed it rather to my delight to the huge stock of beer at home as it would have needed that amount of time to finish them and start on my resolutions. By the way quitting alcohol was not my resolution. Also, I feel that resolution as a word has a peculiar sound of strength which as an individual I do not feel comfortable to use, so I would refrain from calling my wishful thinking as resolutions.

Another bone of contention I had with myself during the past couple of years has been my contempt towards discipline as a personal trait worthy of inculcating. Now, I feel that I have not given the due respect to discipline which as I’m still coming to know it truly deserves and looked down upon it since I felt discipline was so old-school and conventional in its thought and its form, that revolting against it gave me a false sense of mutinous excitement. Also, the plain fact that mediocrity is easier than discipline made me to pander more towards the former when I could not raise myself to the later. It might also be due to the gaining of age and experience my defiance is giving away to the safety of conventions, but I’ve really pondered over my indiscipline and it is standing as the culprit after any self assessment. The problem with indiscipline is that it would never allow one to realize one’s complete potential. I have found this effect my work both professional and personal. The realization when it dooms - usually after the work has been done and submitted - would be painful if we feel that we could have done a better job at it.

I tried to discuss with friends about ways one can improve one’s restraint but could not find satisfactory solutions. Over the last week of December 2011, I started to think what I should really do to have a better 2012. There were many thoughts which made it difficult for me to design myself to align with all of them. I thought that excessive usage of Social Networking and alcohol were my major problems, but I realized that they were only the means and if I could come out of one there would always be another one around.

I tried to be disciplined on a few occasions last year and was not very successful and drifted back towards the comfort of my indolence. This New Year a peculiar thing happened. I was surprised to know that I was actually looking forward to it to start all over again. I have not done any better than the last time but I’m not giving it up as of now.