Finally there was some relief. I had a long walk about an hour in the afternoon and watched a movie and managed to concentrate on something else except my pathetic state of mind. While coming back I was going through the entries I wrote and god, I seem like a miserable sod going on and on about my legs as if I’m Jacqueline Fernandez or something, and that I have to win that special prize reserved for the loudest and the most persistent complainer, at any cost. I had half a mind to delete those posts, but for the sake of posterior tomfoolery, I’d let them stay as they are now.


I understand that I have to keep moving, keep doing something and keep thinking about something else other than the damned cigarette and my attempts at staying away from it. As long as I was out, watching the movie, or walking alone without purpose I was doing alright.

Once I returned to the solitary confines of my room, the craving resurfaces again. Its not that the craving was gone when I was watching the movie, but at least I had something else to look at and momentarily forget myself. Keep busy and keep moving should be the way to go , I guess. I figured out a method, but I still feel I’m depriving myself of something almost as if I’m undergoing a penance for some crime I’ve committed. Which is the wrong sort of attitude to have if I got to have any success with my quitting, but I’m not in control of my thoughts, as much as I’m not responsible for them.

Allen Carr goes on and on. 60% into the book now, and still he hasn’t said anything. I write about him here because somehow I don’t want to admit that I have read the book, and I certainly don’t want him getting any credit for making me quit smoking even though I was reading his book when I was trying to quit. I haven’t followed his method; heck I don’t even think there is a method, unless brainwashing someone a thousand times is considered a method. Anyway, I wrote about this all morning and still haven’t stopped, so I guess I’m being a bit like Mr Carr himself.


I’m back in my room with a drink in hand and Netflix’s Bloodline Season 2 and the Carr book as well. Last night I slept while the TV was still playing, I don’t think it ever happened to me. I’m still not eating well, and I guess it started worrying me. Heck, I started complaining again, so let me stop it and see if I can call it in early tonight.

None of the entries in this journal have to make any sense to anyone, the only time I keep hitting the laptop is when I think I have to do something. I don’t have anything in mind to write except cigarettes and how I’m struggling to stop myself from having one. Also, I cant post anything on my blog that has less than 500 words in it, as a general principle, though I know 500 words of shit is infinitely worse than any lesser number of words.