I
think it’s because I’m hungry that I’m feeling my anger more ferocious than I
usually do. The thought of the stupid canteen and the monotonous cheese pizza
does not help anyway as I find myself in probably the most fitting rage I have ever
had. I always prided myself in not getting carried away by the circumstances
and maintaining a level head by reading the situation through, but off late,
the ability is on all time low, which makes me wonder whether I really had it
in the first place.
At some point, I have to mention it and it is such a shame that I should do what I’m doing right now but I don’t see a way out. I had to bring people, who are responsible for my rage, but on second thoughts, I’m not justified but I don’t care. It’s ironic that I can’t help to think that a younger I would have dealt this situation in a more mature way but as the age is catching up - which is a difficult phrase for anyone to use – I’m getting more impatient and intolerant.
I would have struck off the things which I’m cribbing about as trivial most of the times but these are bothering me with a never before intensity. It bothers me that it bothers me. It certainly has something to do with my attitude falling at a risk of being considered dormant when I thought it was indifference. But it could not be indifference as it would never have prompted me to vent out this way and it never allows frustration to creep in. Indifference is a greater thing to achieve and it is not something any industry could afford, but dormant – accept it you fool!!! - stings my pride. Industries run on following up and forcing miserable people hating their jobs to do the miserable necessities from which money comes out to feed more misery.
The team work sucks and I’m not exactly made out for it as I can’t stand the people I work with and they are the ones who appraise me if I’m any good. Money depends on that but nothing much, how important is money anyway. Can I really kick money out of my system which is important in my quest to be independent. I used to say that money was never a concern or interest for me, but now it appears as if the availability of it was the only reason why I was able to say that. Of course there should be a genuine passion towards something which would automatically negate the importance of the pursuit of money, but do I have it? I would like to believe that I have but I should not betray myself all the same.
I just want to go inside my shell and never come out of it. May be good food, sleep and a beer would make me normal by the end of the day and let me have peace with my omnipresent ‘whats the point anyway’ question, but to think of what I thought while writing this makes me wonder, if I have it in me to ever be what I wanted to be. But, it’s important for me not to let this anger fade into comfort of money and other miseries that come out of craving for it. I wish to get out of industry and work towards independence and become truly indifferent. For me to achieve that I need much more anger towards the industry in general, than on the people who are in it for their own reasons.
At some point, I have to mention it and it is such a shame that I should do what I’m doing right now but I don’t see a way out. I had to bring people, who are responsible for my rage, but on second thoughts, I’m not justified but I don’t care. It’s ironic that I can’t help to think that a younger I would have dealt this situation in a more mature way but as the age is catching up - which is a difficult phrase for anyone to use – I’m getting more impatient and intolerant.
I would have struck off the things which I’m cribbing about as trivial most of the times but these are bothering me with a never before intensity. It bothers me that it bothers me. It certainly has something to do with my attitude falling at a risk of being considered dormant when I thought it was indifference. But it could not be indifference as it would never have prompted me to vent out this way and it never allows frustration to creep in. Indifference is a greater thing to achieve and it is not something any industry could afford, but dormant – accept it you fool!!! - stings my pride. Industries run on following up and forcing miserable people hating their jobs to do the miserable necessities from which money comes out to feed more misery.
The team work sucks and I’m not exactly made out for it as I can’t stand the people I work with and they are the ones who appraise me if I’m any good. Money depends on that but nothing much, how important is money anyway. Can I really kick money out of my system which is important in my quest to be independent. I used to say that money was never a concern or interest for me, but now it appears as if the availability of it was the only reason why I was able to say that. Of course there should be a genuine passion towards something which would automatically negate the importance of the pursuit of money, but do I have it? I would like to believe that I have but I should not betray myself all the same.
I just want to go inside my shell and never come out of it. May be good food, sleep and a beer would make me normal by the end of the day and let me have peace with my omnipresent ‘whats the point anyway’ question, but to think of what I thought while writing this makes me wonder, if I have it in me to ever be what I wanted to be. But, it’s important for me not to let this anger fade into comfort of money and other miseries that come out of craving for it. I wish to get out of industry and work towards independence and become truly indifferent. For me to achieve that I need much more anger towards the industry in general, than on the people who are in it for their own reasons.
Posts
0 comments:
Post a Comment