I’m angry. Now, I would like to believe that is rare but I am. I’m well and truly angry with myself. Not even a week has past since making the decisions and here I’m mocking my discipline or the utter lack of it. The sheer audacity of making a decision now appears to be a rather lazy after-thought of a gratified loser. Ah the L word. How I Met Your Mother. Laziness. Waking at 12 in the night you wonder what’s really happening. Oh, it’s a wrong time to wake up, to think, when you are hungry and angry in no particular order, but when you sleep at a wrong time, it is bound to happen. Oh it’s a wrong time alright.

Wake up. Open your eyes. Look around. The day’s work screaming at me. Loser. I’m in no mood to listen. I’m hungry. Oh yes. Get off the bed look around. What time is it? Loser. You are hungry. Ya Right. Stop it you bitch. Cant get anything. That time of the night. More Anger. More Hunger. Tries to work. Who am I kidding. Tries to get back to bed. Now stop it will you. Please. No Sir. Your Own Fucking Decisions.

The head does not seem to be capable of producing any more voices. Oh the incessant screams of Loser!!!! Where are you coming from. What do you want? I wake up and light a cigarette. I inhale with a vengeance as the smoke reaches the empty stomach. No Loser. This is not the way. Bitch Please. I 1 You 0. Yah, Talk Now. Scream now. For all I care. At peace. The screams turn to shrill cries. Stifled Cries. I had my vengeance. Who won?

Open a book to read. Social Network. Stop. Start a movie to watch. Social Network. Stop. Hit the bed. I’m sorry, don’t you just get it? More social network. More smoke. The voice. Sounds weak and resigned. I inhale stronger. I tease it. No more asshole!!! I guess that’s the last of it. I smile. Who won? I lost it. I want it back. Oh come on bitch.

Now here is some advice for the panting souls reading this. Not that I’m a good adviser or am in the mood for it. It’s just a random thought that denies lying idle and forces its way out of my fucked up system. I would normally chuck it but tonight, I just don’t have enough in me to think about you all, so here it comes in all its mocking mawkish glory. Ah..the pain of it. Just when I give in, it starts to elude me. Oh it’s a wrong time to advise too. Too?

No more questions. I lie on the bed. Another day beckons. A day of work ahead. A night looms distantly jeering. Some Fucking Decisions They Are. I can’t fight any more. I can only win.